oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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