He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
