the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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