my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
