Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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