my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
