Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
