I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
