We won't sleep together?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
