Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
