i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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