3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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