he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
