i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
