put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
