Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
