We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
