Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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