I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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