I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
