Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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