your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
did i just pee glitter
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
