went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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