My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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