it's too hot outside to masturbate.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
