In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
