God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
