you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
