She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
