Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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