I hope my margaritas pass through security.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
