I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think I sprained my soul last night
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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