Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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