I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
