I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
