Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
