I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
