saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
