I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
