That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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