if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
