Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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