Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize