I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
