My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
