You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
