You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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