i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
