you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
