i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
