The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
