sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
