i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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