what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
