I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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