This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Girls should come with a carfax report
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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