I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
