i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
high people should be assigned attendants
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
